As the night creeps in
by Annalisa No Name
Summary: Giles has been called to London by the Coucil after Buffy has been changed by Angelus. What he hears and sees there, changes everything. AU after season 2. M for dark themes and scenes of the citrusy kind
1. Prologue: London

Disclaimer: I owe nothing of the Characters or anything related to the TV-Series. I just like to use my imagination

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><p>Prologue<p>

Rupert Giles blinked against the fine mist of rain that entered his eyes as he walked down the streets of London. He cursed himself for not bringing an umbrella. After all, he was an Englishman by birth, he shouldn't have forgotten its dreadful weather, not even after spending years in sunny California.

He sighed heavily, pushing down the pained memories of the town he had called home over the last couple of years and especially the girl he had vowed to protect, who was now lost to him forever. She was off somewhere, following Angelus into the depth of night, working for his approval, for his affection. He shuddered as he remembered her beautiful face transform into that of her demon.

She was the daughter he never had and she had been torn from his life in the most violent of ways by the vampire that was supposed to be trustworthy. Had Rupert known just how precarious the vampire's hold on his soul was, he would have never allowed his Slayer to venture so near to him and now she was paying the price for his mistake. His Slayer was now part of the species she had been chosen to destroy and with her Sire being the ruthless demon he was, Rupert was certain that his girl would become one of the most brutal killers out there.

His heart gave a violent tug at that realization, but he forced himself to keep moving. He had been called down to London for a reason and it wasn't just to relieve him of his Watcher duties, he knew that much. There had been a rumor going through the underworld that the Council had recruited the aid of an American professor and that since then there had been more disappearances than usual.

As he reached the unassuming building that housed the Council's offices he felt something prick at the back of his neck, as if he were being watched. Glancing around showed him nobody near, but still he felt uneasy as he entered the lobby and signed himself in.

The lift took him to the fourth floor where he was met by Mr. Travers and a rather unremarkable looking blonde in a lab coat. It was only when he was introduced to Dr. Walsh, that Rupert noted the complete lack of warmth in the woman's gaze.

"Dr. Walsh has been asked to join our ranks when we received word of her impressive research with regards to neutralizing the threat of vampires and the like," Travers informed the Watcher.

Rupert nodded his acknowledgment of the statement and numbly followed his superior and his new pet down several sets of corridors into a securely closed off wing. When they passed the soundproofed doors, his ears were assaulted with the animalistic screams of multiple demons and vampires, causing a shot of revulsion to tear through his body.

His companions did not notice his paled visage, nor his horrified expression and simply moved forward to what they had invited him here to witness. They halted when they entered a room that resembled an operation room of a hospital, but instead of healing people, this place was designed to destroy the creatures that were brought in here.

Rupert forced himself to look at the unfortunate sod that was tethered to the gurney in the center of the room and felt his stomach turn as he recognized the vampire that had been obviously tortured until he was on the brink of turning to dust. William the Bloody.

"What on earth did you do to him?" he gasped, unable to tear his eyes from the once proud member of the Aurelius clan.

"We have inserted a behavior modification chip into his cranium that prevents him from harming humans for their blood or otherwise. He proved, however, to be a rather cunning one and nearly escaped our guards a few days ago," Dr. Walsh murmured.

Her eyes held a peculiar gleam as she took in the various wounds that had been inflicted on him. Licking her lips she turned back to the man who had asked her for clarification.

"Coincidentally we've captured an ancient demon that was rumored to grant wishes. It is quite interesting to see his modus operandi and the effect of the wish that was granted has been most intriguing."

"What happened?"

"We pitted the demon against the vampire. At first it appeared as if they were merely fighting, but things turned really interesting when the demon summoned other creatures to fight for him. We were certain the vampire would be dust, but he battled on and in the end he demanded his reward."

Rupert gulped down the bile that rose in his throat as the vampire's wild untamed eyes turned to him. Never in his life had he felt pity or empathy for a vampire. He had tried to with Angel, of course, but he hadn't quite managed to feel anything remotely kind for the brunette vampire. Right at that moment, however, he felt overcome with grief for the vampire that had once been a man to be reckoned with and was now reduced to nothing more than an animal trapped at the hands of the cruelest of masters.

"What was the reward?" he whispered.

"His soul was returned to him. I'm sure it wasn't what he had thought would happen, but when we realized what had happened to him, we seized the opportunity to examine him and try to find answers about how his soul worked for him. I'm afraid we pushed him too far, though."

"Why is it that you called me here?"

"We figured that he was useless, but then the news reached us about your Slayer being turned by Angelus and we realized that this one still had some use."

Rupert shuddered at the undisguised glee in the woman's eyes.

"He can sniff her out for you and you can do what you need to."

"Which is?"

"Destroy her, of course."

The blood in his veins turned to ice. He had known of course that he would be expected to clean up the mess he had left behind in Sunnydale, but he hadn't expected this blatant order and especially not from someone who was more of a monster than any of the creatures she held captive.

His insides raged against the command, but his years of experience held him in place. He would accept the aid of this vampire to find his wayward Slayer, but he would handle the situation from there on at his own discretion.

"I couldn't agree with you more," he agreed, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. "When will he be fit for travel?"

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><p><em>AN: Reviews will be much appreciated. :)_

_ I intend to update bi-weekly until the story is finished._


	2. Chapter one: In the beginning

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or anything related to BtVS.

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><p>Chapter one<p>

Rupert flinched as he re-situated the lethargic vampire on his back. Spike hadn't even recognized him as a possible food source, leaving Rupert even more certain of his purpose in helping him.

He struggled with the key for a moment, but finally managed to open the door and carry his burden inside. He lowered the vampire onto the sofa and stretched his aching back for a moment. His mind raced with possible avenues to try to get the vampire back from his current state, but none of them seemed quite right.

Reluctantly he picked up the phone to call the Scoobies who were awaiting his return. Willow was first on his list and the girl picked up after the second ring.

"Willow, it's Rupert Giles."

"Giles! You're back. Thank, God."

"I'm afraid I don't have good news, though."

"What? What happened?"

"I will explain when you and the others get here. Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure, whatever you want."

"Go by the butcher's and buy as much pig's blood as you can."

"Did you capture her?"

"No. Like I said, I'll explain when you return."

"Sure. Oz is in the other room, so you don't need to call him."

They said their goodbyes and Rupert called Xander who promised to be at the apartment as soon as he could.

This left him with a good half an hour before his apartment would fill with the inquisitive youngsters that, up until a few weeks ago, had been his Slayer's support system.

"How could it go so wrong?" Rupert murmured, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

A surge of anger went through him as he remembered the night he lost his Slayer to Angelus. The dark haired vampire had taken special glee in rubbing the Watcher's face into the fact that he now had three women ready to service him and one of them was the relatively innocent Slayer.

As the images played in his mind on a continuing loop, the vampire on his couch stirred.

"Spike?" Rupert hedged.

A low growl rumbled through the vampire's chest as his dark blue eyes opened and frantically looked around before settling on Rupert's face. He gasped at the anguish he saw in them.

"It's okay. You're safe now. Dr. Walsh can't touch you any more," he said quietly, unsure of how much the vampire understood.

If anything the soothing tone he used, seemed to settle Spike down, so he neared the sofa cautiously while murmuring a mantra of reassuring words.

As Rupert knelt beside the couch he reached a tentative hand out to Spike's shirt. "I need to check the wounds. I promise I won't hurt you."

He didn't even get the chance to try and lift the blond vamp's shirt, because in a sudden surge of strength, the vampire leaped over the back of the sofa and backed into the nearest corner, distressed sounds coming from him in rapid succession.

Giles remained frozen on the spot, completely unable to think of a way to help Spike recognize him as a friend, not someone who would hurt him some more. He stood to attempt another approach, but the door opened and interrupted his forward motion.

Spike's eyes flew to the redhead that entered with her boyfriend close behind. Willow's smile froze on her face as soon as she spotted the blond vampire in the corner, but before she could scream, Spike started wailing, trying to crawl even further into the corner of the room.

"Could you please go to the kitchen and heat up a mug of blood? I'll explain everything after Xander arrives and I have at least attempted to feed him."

Willow nodded dumbly and followed Oz into the kitchen.

Rupert listened as Willow rummaged through his cupboards to get a mug. It took only a handful of minutes for her to come back in with the mug, but to Rupert, whose emphatic gaze still rested on a cowering Spike, it felt like forever.

Willow silently handed him the cup and managed to intercept Xander as he walked in before Spike could get any more agitated.

Steeling his spine, Rupert turned to the task of feeding the vampire before him.

"Giles you have some splainin to do," Xander said with a nervous chuckle as soon as the librarian entered the kitchen with an empty mug and tears glistening in his eyes.

"I know. Just give me a minute to gather my wits."

The three teenagers watched the man that had lead them through countless battles struggle for control over his emotions. It was such a rare sight that Willow felt her own tears well and her throat tightened in anticipation of what he was about to tell them. She just knew it was as bad as it could get.

"When I arrived at the Watcher's council, Travers introduced me to an American woman. She's a doctor of some sort." Rupert gritted his teeth as he remembered the woman's arrogance and brutal treatment of the creatures of the night. "She managed to capture a few vampires and she experimented with behavioral modification technology. Apparently she was successful, because the council has heralded her as the second coming. According to Travers, Dr. Walsh will make this world safe for all humans, no Slayer needed."

Willow heard a distressed cry coming from the living room and to her own surprise she felt the need to comfort the vampire inside. She just knew that this so called doctor was the reason for his distress.

"She's not just trying to keep humans safe. She experiments on demons and vampires like they're lab rats. The screams that I heard... It took everything I had not to vomit."

"What does this have to do with Captain Peroxide being in your living room?" Xander asked, not sounding quite as harsh as Rupert would have expected.

"Spike was being held there. They were examining him, opening him up to see inside, testing the limit of his pain, the point where his soul would be lost."

"Woah, back up," Oz interjected, forgoing his usual quiet. "Did you just say his soul?"

"Yes. They captured a demon that grants wishes in exchange for several trials. Spike was pitted against this demon and from what they've told me, Spike must have struck a deal with the demon. I have no idea what he wished for, but the result was that the demon returned his soul to him."

"Oh, wow," Willow murmured, leaning heavily on her boyfriend.

"Yes. And that repulsive so called doctor decided that made him an even better guinea pig."

"So what? They hurt him so badly that his soul left his body again?" Xander asked, casting a glance towards the doorway that held the middle between fear and pity.

"I don't think so. I think they drove him to protect his soul by retreating so far into himself that he's no longer the vampire we all knew."

"That is sick. I'm the first to advocate dusting vampires, but this," Xander trailed off disgustedly.

"Did they do anything else?" Willow whispered.

"They implanted a chip in his brain that sends electric shocks through his brain whenever he tries to hurt a human."

"Which leaves him completely defenseless against the bastards that were experimenting on him?" Oz guessed.

Rupert nodded and glanced around at his pupils. The compassion they showed was far beyond what he had counted on. It was a relief, because it meant that they would be able to work together on bringing Spike back to himself.

He knew that the goal he had set for himself would be extremely difficult to accomplish, but he needed Spike back to his old self, or at least close to it, if he wanted to have any chance at bringing Buffy back to Sunnydale. He had lost his faith in God a long time ago, but in that moment he sent up a silent prayer that his plans would work out and that, if they were lucky enough to find her, Buffy would still in some part be the girl they all knew and loved.

Angelus rolled his shoulder, cracked his neck and then with a gleeful sneer he pulled back and slammed his fist into the gut of the tiny slip of a girl that was tethered to the wall. She whimpered, her head lolling forward on it's own accord.

"I didn't give you permission to look away from me, did I?" Angelus demanded of her.

"N-No, sire. I-I'm so-sorry," she whispered huskily as she forced her head to raise and her eyes to meet his unforgiving glare.

"Now are you going to be a good girl and take what your mommy brought you or are you going to bed without food again?"

At this she gathered her last bit of strength and shook her head.

"You disgust me," Angelus sneered. "I can't believe I had my dick inside you."

She cringed, but he thankfully didn't back his words with the usual painful punches or kicks. Instead he yanked the ropes that held her to the wall and she fell to the ground, too weak to do anything but lie there.

Angelus looked down at the blonde that was once the object of his obsession. All that was left was a weak, whimpering mess and it caused a surge of powerful lust to curl through his abdomen. His cock hardened for her for the first time since he turned her. He smiled to himself. He would give her a few minutes to think she was safe and then he would make her his again.

The fledgling blew out a deep unneeded breath when the door closed behind her sire. Her eyes were swollen shut from this last round of punishments, but she didn't bother to care. If she couldn't see his face, she could rest easier.

She sobbed quietly into the carpet, not noticing when he returned to the room, completely nude.

Angelus leered down at the blonde, stroking his cock. He would have her tonight and with that he would control her. He just knew that tonight would be the last straw to bend her to his will and he would not fail at this.

He grabbed her by her golden hair and dragged her over to the bed. Her swollen eyes couldn't hide the sheer panic that overtook her features as she noticed his state of undress.

"No!" she whimpered, trying to push herself up to get away from him.

He grabbed her ankle and gave a violent tug, smiling as he felt the frail bones under his hands snap, making her cry out in agony.

He lunged for her as she tried to struggle away from him in vain and released a threatening growl as he started tearing at her clothes.

In the other room Drusilla's eyes grew wide as she stared off into the stars that only she could see. She only vaguely heard her mommy's disgusted protest at daddy's behavior. The only thing that she could clearly hear were the broken cries of the girl that never should have been made into one of them.

Drusilla started wailing as she watched how her once beloved prince was swallowed up by the light. The light that would destroy Angelus and Darla and indirectly herself.

"Nooooo," she wailed. "Not my dark prince. She cannot have him. She will not take him away from me."

A smart slap across her cheek drew her back from her visions. "What are you going on about? Spike is long gone, you told him to go. Now stop with this gibberish and help me convince Angelus to leave that vile creature out in the sun. I've had enough of his games."

Drusilla eyed her grandsire with a sense of loss, even though she was still here with her. She curled in on herself as she heard what Angelus was doing to the girl. She knew it was this event that sealed their fates and she was powerless to stop it.

She rocked herself slowly, lulling herself into a false sense of peace and she endured the sounds coming from the next room as well as the images that kept assaulting her mind as it happened. She knew the girl's torment and she hurt for her, but she couldn't stop Angelus. She knew better than to try.

It lasted maybe fifteen minutes, but to Drusilla it felt like hours had passed before her sire exited the room, still smelling of the sex he forced on the girl. He leered at her, but she pretended to be lost in her own little world. Thankfully he believed her ruse and instead hauled her grandsire into his arms and dragged her out into the night in search of sustenance.

Drusilla waited until she was absolutely certain that they were a ways away before she uncurled from her chair and glided into the next room where the girl lay battered and completely broken on the bed.

She flinched when Drusilla sat down next to her, but she wasn't here to inflict more pain. She was here to take some away.

"Shhh... Little one...Shhhh. Dru will make it all right. Shhh..." she shushed the broken girl beside her.

"W-What do you want from me, Drusilla?" the young vampiress asked.

"I don't want anything from you. It hurts, I know how it hurts. Daddy did it to me too, still does."

"H-how can you live with that? I-I want to s-stake m-myself," she sobbed.

"Shhh... You can't do that, pet. You need to save my dark knight. You will save him and he will save you and you will save the world together."

"What are you talking about?" she whispered.

"You will see. In time, you will see. Drink my blood and then go. Get as far away from here as you can. He will find you. Just run until your feet can't carry you any further and he will find you."

"Who will find me, Dru? Angelus?"

Drusilla smiled sadly and shook her head. "Don' worry, pet. He won't get to you. He'll be busy. Now, drink."

She held out her wrist for the Slayer to use for sustenance and while she had refused all other blood that had been offered both from the already dead and the still living, she accepted this one offer.

The girl fell onto the older vampiress' wrist and pierced her alabaster skin with such ease that she startled herself, but as the blood flooded her mouth, she couldn't stop her demon from taking as much of the empowering liquid as Drusilla allowed.

With a gentle coo, Drusilla withdrew her arm, licking at the wound to close it. She stood and went to the closet in the corner of the bedroom where she retrieved a set of clothes that belonged to the former owner of the house.

Returning to her sister's side, she laid the clothes down and murmured: "Get dressed and run. Don't think about where to go. The clothes hold so many mixed scents nobody will be able to track you unless they are entirely determined. Follow your instinct and don't stop until you are unable to move. He'll find you."

The blonde nodded as best she could and swallowed thickly.

"Goodbye, sissie," Drusilla murmured before leaving the room and picking the perfect spot for the scene she needed to play when Angelus returned with Darla.

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><p><em>AN: I figured that the prologue was a bit too short to keep you guys waiting for too long on the next chapter, so here it is. From here on out it should be two weeks between updates._

_Let me know what you think of it._


	3. Chapter two: Awakaning

_**Disclaimer: I own none of the Characters. I only own the plot**_

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><p><strong>Chapter two<strong>

It took a week for Giles to be able to approach Spike without the vampire flinching or backing into a corner, but when they had finally achieved that point, things began progressing in a quicker manner, Willow noted with relief.

It had been several weeks since the night that Angelus had turned her best friend and she was desperate to find her and bring her back where they could perhaps help her find herself again. She held hope that she could use the spell she had salvaged from Jenny Calendar's heavily damaged computer and perhaps bring back the friend she had lost.

She wasn't naive enough to think that she would be the same girl, but at least she'd have Buffy back. She missed her friend too much.

A low rumble coming from the vampire in the corner drew her attention away from her darkening thoughts and to Spike's blue eyes that were trained on her.

"What's the matter Spike? Do you need food?" she asked.

Spike tilted his head to the side and shook it a little.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned fully to him and opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong again when he suddenly approached her and stopped just a few inches away from her.

Very tentatively he wiped one tear from her cheek. "Don't cry," he whispered. "Strong girl. Don't cry."

She gasped at his words. It was the most he had spoken since they had arrived and while she had the urge to shout out the victory to the others, she was here alone with Spike, waiting for the men to return with news about the new Slayer.

"Spike, you talked," she whispered instead. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He nodded slowly. ""S hard."

"Okay. Okay, let's just sit down, okay? My knees are a bit unsteady."

He looked puzzled until she pointed to the sofa. He followed her then and sat at the other end, staring at her. "Why?"

"Why I was crying?"

Spike nodded.

"I-It's Buffy. The Slayer?"

"Slayer?"

"Yes, blonde girl. You came to town to kill her at first?"

He frowned, obviously trying to remember. Knowing that Spike still had a long way to go, Willow didn't expect much, but he suddenly smiled.

"Slayer," he confirmed.

For a second Willow sat, flabbergasted at the speed in which he seemed to remember things now.

Spike nudged her, breaking her from her stunned stare. "Right, I was telling you about Buffy." She drew in a deep breath and continued. "Buffy was the Slayer and she fell in love with Angel."

At the sound of his grandsire's name, Spike growled warningly.

"I know, I didn't like him either." Willow smiled gently and the vampire returned the movement as if trying it out for the first time. "Like I was saying... Buffy fell in love with Angel while he still had his soul. Then one night, after a big fight, they apparently slept together, which resulted into Angel losing his soul and turning into Angelus."

Spike frowned, a warning rumble coming from deep inside his chest.

"H-He..He mocked her and taunted her and drew her into a trap. H-He turned her."

Apparently Spike knew exactly what she had just told him, because his demon face came out and he growled loud enough to make the sofa vibrate.

"Spike, calm down. There is nothing we can do to change that."

"Not right!" he barked. "Angelus..is cruel. T-Tortures. C-Corrupts. Not the Slayer."

The last bit sounded so sad, that Willow started crying again. It was at that point that Giles and Oz came in. When they saw the vampire in game face and Willow crying they jumped to the wrong conclusion, but Willow was quick enough to stop them from doing anything rash.

"We were talking," she hurried to explain. "I told him what happened to Buffy."

"Slayer. Not right," Spike reiterated.

"I know, Spike. It's not right what happened, but we can't do much about it."

"Find her."

"We will. With your help, we will."

"Uh..Will?" Oz ventured as Giles grabbed his handkerchief and started rubbing his glasses. "What's with the vamp riddle speak?"

"He started speaking. I was thinking about Buffy and I cried. Something about it drew him out and he told me not to cry. He doesn't make full sentences, but if you talk to him, you can figure out what he means. I think he'll return to normal eventually. Maybe even sooner than we thought."

At that Giles moved further into the room and took a seat across from where Spike was still standing in a posture that screamed that he was ready to fight.

"Spike, please have a seat."

"Find the Slayer."

"We will try to find Buffy when you are fully back to yourself again."

"No. Now."

"We don't have any idea where she might be. Angelus might have taken her to Europe for all we know."

"No. Closer."

Giles looked up in surprise and then shot a seeking glance at Oz and Willow who had by now joined them.

"What do you mean, Spike? Do you know where they are?"

"Feel Dru. She's hurtin'."

Xander came barreling in and yelped in surprise as the vampire's golden eyes turned to him. "Spike! Spike in game face! He's gonna kill us!" he screeched, pointing at the vampire in question.

It wasn't until he took in the neutral expressions on the faces of his friends that he realized he had made an ass of himself. Yet, again. Sighing he apologized for freaking out and slumped down into a chair, plunking down the pizza's he had been carrying.

"Hungry," Spike murmured, his demon's face making way for his human one as his eyes hungrily took in the pile of boxes by Xander's elbow.

"He's talking!" Xander exclaimed. "Which, of course, you all heard and judging from your expressions this is not a surprise. Hey, did you keep this a secret from me on purpose?"

Spike rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Sod."

"Hey, play nice or there is no pizza for you bleach boy."

Spike's brow furrowed as he ran a hair through his shaggy curls. They had long since lost their blond color, but from the look on his face Xander determined that he remembered his nearly white do.

"We can bleach it again if you want to," he offered.

The vampire blinked, but then bowed his head in acknowledgment and tried his smile again. The boy nearly blushed as he took in the surprise of those around them.

"Hey, just because he caused Cordy to hate my guts, doesn't mean I can't be nice to the guy. He's been tormented to the brink of dust and all that."

"And on that note," Giles interrupted. "Let's eat."

Spike woke to soft murmurs coming from the living room. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he tried to discern what they were saying.

He heard _her_ name a lot.

The name that had started to bring back his memories. Just as he thought about the pretty face that went along with the name, he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and he nearly cried out in pain. He knew it was only a phantom pain for something his sire was feeling, but it still smarted like all hell.

Struggling to maintain control of his demon, he got out of bed and put on a set of clean clothes before shuffling into the bathroom to freshen up. As he came back out, he felt another pain, but this one wasn't nearly as violent, it was more vile in nature.

Angelus was torturing his sire, but he couldn't imagine why. He knew from the location of the pain and the particular sensation that he was taking her by force and against her will and it nearly drove Spike insane.

Two nights ago when he had found his speech returning, he hadn't known how to express his concerns for his sire. Now he did and he intended to make the lot of them see that things were urgent. He needed to get Drusilla out safely.

He had felt this particular pain a lot over the past few days and it made him wonder what Dru had done to piss off her sire so. Because Angelus usually didn't need to force Dru to anything. If he just purred at her, she was ready and willing, but something really bad was going on if he was only taking her by force.

"Spike, you're up," Willow remarked as he silently entered the room. "What's the matter?"

He tried to give the redhead a reassuring smile, but failed. He knew it was bad that the young girl could so easily read him, but he couldn't mask his pain. Not now. "It's Drusilla. Angelus is tormenting her."

"How do you know?" Giles asked carefully.

"A sire and his or her childe share a connection that allows them to know when the other is in danger. Because Dru and I were together so long before she told me to leave, our bond is even stronger. I can feel her pain. He's raping her."

Willow paled dramatically and slumped against her boyfriend, who seemed to be paler that usual as well.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes. He's been doing it a lot over the past few days. She must have done something really bad for him to do that."

Xander recoiled in disgust. "Are you saying that it's her own fault?"

"No! No. Usually Angelus didn't have to do much to get her to come to him willingly. I don't know how many nights I lay alone in bed while he screwed her into the ground and she'd scream her satisfaction. They were countless. Knowing that she's as easily willing to him as she can get, tells me that something is severely wrong for him to force himself on her. In the past he only acted like that to punish her for something he considered a crime."

Spike swallowed thickly, but decided to just bare all painful facts so that they were prepared for what might have happened to their friend. "He did it to all of us at one point or another. Especially if he thought we were being too strong willed."

"He did it to you?" Willow croaked, eyes wide and horrified.

"Yes."

"Oh, god!" Xander cried out. "Buffy is the most headstrong girl I know and he loved her before he turned back into his evil self. He hated that she made him love her."

Giles swallowed thickly, but didn't comment and Willow ran for the bathroom where Spike heard her heave into the toilet.

"I'm sorry, but you need to be prepared for any eventuality."

Suddenly there was a pain in his chest so intense and agonizing that Spike screamed in terror. Then as quickly as he had felt it, he felt the sensation of bursting into a million pieces and then nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

"No!" he cried before he slumped and the world turned black.

Rupert put a cold rag onto the vampire's forehead. He was starting to feel a connection to the man and that made the situation that much more painful. He hurt for the way this vampire had hurt, both by the hands of his human captors that had tormented him into a state of complete hollowness and by the hands of his grandsire, either direct or indirect.

Sighing, he wiped the sweat from Spike's brow and waited for him to come to.

Willow was cuddled up with Oz in the chair in the corner and Xander was standing by the window, staring outside but most likely not seeing anything. Rupert didn't even want to think about what Spike had told them or what had happened to his sire for him to go unconscious.

If he would allow himself to go there, he would think about what fate might have befallen Buffy and he wasn't ready to do that. He thought about Joyce, considered calling her to inform her of the plans they were making to get Buffy back home, but he didn't dare pick up the phone.

What if they couldn't get to her before Angelus destroyed her?

What if she wasn't even with the Aurelius clan any longer?

A thousand and one thoughts rushed through is mind as he sat in the chair beside the sofa. If only he had kept Buffy away from Angelus that night. If only he hadn't allowed her to meet him alone, as the monster had requested.

He felt the guilt take the upper hand. It had crippled him a lot over the past couple of weeks, but this morning it was worse than ever before, because he only just realized the enormity of his shortcomings.

What state would they find her in?

A groan from Spike drew his attention and he managed to shake his dark thoughts off for the moment.

"Spike? Are you alright?" he asked.

"No," he said bluntly.

"What happened?"

Spike squeezed his eyes shut, his face shifting into that of his demon and back again. "The bastard staked her."

The rag in Rupert's hands fell to the ground as he got up from his chair. Angelus had killed his childe. He didn't doubt Spike's words, but it still shook him to the core. The Aurelius clan had been immensely protective of each other, it was why Angel hadn't tried to help Buffy with the Master in the first place.

Angel even tried to protect Spike, who had obviously been a thorn in his side for a long time. Rupert could hardly wrap his mind around the fact that Angelus would have taken a stake to Drusilla. What on earth had happened for something like this to occur?

"We need to find Buffy, we need to find her now," he whispered.

He refused to believe that she had suffered the same fate as Drusilla. No, his surrogate daughter had to be out there, living her unlife in some way. He just hoped that she had been spared most of Angelus' cruelty.

Spike sluggishly pushed himself into a sitting position. "I need blood and a lot of it if we intend to track her down."

Rupert nodded his consent and started handing out orders to the teenagers that still looked about ready to give up. He couldn't and wouldn't let them, because if he did, he would give up hope himself and Buffy would be lost to them.

When the Scoobies had left the apartment, Spike grabbed Rupert's elbow to get his attention. "You better get that look of defeat out of your eyes. Those kids may be suffering from the loss of their friend, but they're not blind, nor stupid. If the man that's leading them looks like he'd rather roll over and die, they'll not be in a good state of mind for when they face Angelus. He'll sniff out the insecurity immediately and prey on it."

Rupert nodded. Spike was absolutely right. He steeled his spine and set out to finish his own tasks before the five of them could leave on their rescue mission.

The young vampire pressed herself as close to the brick wall as she could. The sounds of blood pumping through veins was so loud in her ears and the smell of that sweet liquid so tempting that she had to literally cling to the wall to stop herself from going after the small group of young men that were walking down the alley where she was hiding away.

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe through her mouth in an attempt to keep her demon in check. It worked, but only barely. She couldn't keep her face from shifting to and from her demon form over an over, but if she'd expend any concentration on keeping that in check, she'd lose the fight against the hunger.

The few minutes it took for the group to disappear from her vicinity felt like hours to her, but eventually the worst of the blood lust left her and she managed to keep her visage in human form. Now she just needed to reach the back of the slaughter house a few blocks over and she'd be able to finally still her hunger.

As she approached the back of the building at long last, she smelled the blood that had been placed outside for waste disposal. It was slightly off already, but to her it smelled like a buffet. She waited until she was certain she was alone before she went in. She struck quickly and silently and only ran to the other end of the alley before she caved and downed a good portion of the jug that she had managed to get.

The rest of it would have to last her until she got to the next town. If she even got that far to begin with.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Next chapter will reveal a little more about what happened to Buffy the night she was turned. I know you guys are curious about it, so just hang in there. Everything will eventually be told, but it'll take some time to piece it together. Please let me know what you thought about this new chapter._

_Hugs,_

_A.N.N._


	4. Chapter three: Discoveries

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything BtVS related except a DVD boxset of each season._

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><p>Chapter three<p>

Darla leaned back on her elbows and glared at her childe. "What are we doing Angelus?" she sighed. "Or better yet, what are you doing?"

Angelus whirled around and shifted into his game face. "Who are you to question my motives?" he snarled at her.

She shot up off the bed, her face shifting as she did and got right into his face. "You are my childe, I am your elder and you will respect me, because if you don't I will end you."

"Hah! As if you could. You've gotten old and slow in the days I was gone. I'm sure little William didn't do much to keep you on your toes and since your sire was stuck under ground..." he drawled.

Darla didn't hesitate and pulled her fist back with every intent to show her childe who was boss, but before her fist could connect with his gut, Angelus grabbed it in a crushing grip. She couldn't keep the cry of pain from ripping from her throat as he put enough pressure on it to break the bones.

"What were you going to do old lady?" he hissed as he bent over her crumpling form.

"Angelus, unhand me at once," she hissed through gritted teeth.

Angelus barked out a sharp laugh and yanked on her broken hand until she was standing before him. He leaned in ever closer and inhaled deeply, smelling the faint aroma of her fear. His lips lifted into a mocking sneer as he pushed her harshly back onto the bed.

"Let me show you how it's done, my darling sire," he growled before he pounced on her.

Realistically Buffy knew that vampires couldn't actually feel cold, since they were cold blooded, but by now it felt as if she was freezing. She had been huddled in the back of a shallow cave in the Nevada desert for a handful of days and nights and she felt as if her flesh would start to fall off her bones due to her lack of nourishment.

If she was to come across a human now she knew that human would be screwed and so would her tenuous hold on her demon and if that happened... She didn't even want to know what would happened then.

She cringed as her eyes closed of their own accord and she was once again assaulted by the memories of the night she was changed. She didn't want to see the images, but she no longer held enough strength to stay awake in order to avoid them. As she felt her body lose it's grip on consciousness, she shot a brief prayer to whichever deity would listen that she would be safe from Angelus this night. Unfortunately nobody seemed to be listening because he was already haunting her dreams.

"_Aaah, just look at that innocent little thing," Angelus drawled as he stepped out of the shadows. "But, she isn't so innocent any more, is she?" he asked no one in particular._

_Buffy suppressed a shudder at his leer and instead drew up to her full height, fully prepared for battle._

"_Tut, tut, tut, sweetness. No need for such harshness in your face. I am here to make peace, to offer you a truce of sorts."_

"_I don't deal with monsters like you," she spat. "I came here to put an end to this once and for all."_

_Angelus threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, you poor, misguided girl. Do you really think you can fight me and win?" He barked another sharp laugh. "I'll let you in on a little secret. You're not going to live through the night if you don't accept my offer."_

_Buffy had enough of his taunts and lunged forward, managing to catch the burly vampire off guard and planting a fist solidly under his chin. The growl that erupted from him after she struck caused Buffy to freeze for half a second. He was seriously pissed now and when he looked down at her, she knew that tonight all the sick games he'd been playing would be over. He'd end her or she'd end him. Either way it would all be over tonight._

_He lunged for her, but she managed to duck out of the way. Twirling around she kicked his lower back. Her kick combined with his forward movement, had him stumbling to his knees. She didn't think, she just acted on instinct as she attacked his back._

_She hadn't counted on him anticipating her next move. She hadn't thought the action through. She should have known better._

_All those realizations and more shot through her head as she felt his hands seize her arm and toss her overhead. He released her and she soared through the night air for a moment until she landed against a nearby mausoleum. She bit on her lip to keep the pain induced scream inside. She didn't want him to have the satisfaction._

_She stumbled to her feet, but before she even had the opportunity to get her bearings, Angelus was in front of her, his hands on her to keep her against the wall._

"_I was going to make it sweet and tender for you, but you've tried my patience too many times already," he hissed lowly. "Now I'm just going to have to show you how I deal with ungrateful little bitches like yourself."_

_Buffy tried in vain to struggle free, but she could hardly move as he pinned her down with his body and started tearing at her clothes. When she opened her mouth to scream he growled at her and clamped one beefy hand over her mouth._

No, this isn't happening!_ Her mind screamed at her. _This is Angel, the man who lovesyou, the man who made love to you only a handful of days ago!

_A part of her shut down as Angelus roughly pushed his fingers into her, smiling wickedly as she whimpered in pain against the hand covering her mouth. It was almost as if she stepped out of her body and watched it happen from afar._

_Angelus moved her up and momentarily released her mouth so he could open his pants and push himself against her._

"_Angel, please don't," she begged as tears poured down her face. "Please, you have to be in there somewhere. Don't let him do this to me."_

_Angelus looked up at her and for a fraction of a second he seemed like her Angel, but then he merely laughed and pushed forward, sending a bolt of pain through her. She cried harder and tried to fight against him, but with the pain from the fight and his massive body pinning her down, she didn't even get an extra inch of breathing space._

Please, god, please let this stop. Let him kill me or something. Please, make it stop._ She begged silently as she suffered through the violation._

_Buffy retreated into herself until she felt him release inside her. She expected it to be over then, but it wasn't. Instead Angelus glowered down at her, baring his fangs._

"_And now, my little Slayer, you'll be mine completely," he growled before bending his head to her throat and piercing her skin._

_Buffy's scream of agony cut off with a gurgling sound as her vision started fading to black. She felt something cool trickling down her throat and she swallowed convulsively. By the time the realization hit her what exactly was running down her throat, it was too late._

Gasping for breath she didn't need, Buffy came awake her eyes flicking frantically around the cavern to check for threats. She wondered what had woken her, but couldn't sense much outside of the cavern she was in. At least not until she calmed her harsh breathing.

She suddenly discerned a rapid thud of a heart and the shuffling of feet somewhere off to the left of the cave's entrance. Her demon roared inside her head, but she was too afraid to allow it to surface. She listened as if entranced to the sound of that heartbeat as it came closer.

Then suddenly something came shuffling into the mouth of the cave and Buffy lost her grip. Her demon roared to the forefront and her face shifted as she lunged forward.

Spike settled his old trusty leather duster on his shoulders, pulled himself up to his full hight and cracked his knuckles. He was ready to go. He would get the Slayer back to her mates, get her fixed up and then find himself a beautiful sunset. He was done with this world, done with it's cruelty and it's beauty. Every moment he remained 'alive' he felt the distinct agony of Dru's absence and the mental anguish of the pain and suffering he caused since his awakening as a vampire.

He would give the world it's best fighter back and he'd make sure she'd stick around long enough to remember who she was and the good she could and should do and then he'd allow himself the peace of his final death. At least that was what he hoped for.

"So kiddies, all set?" he asked, forcing himself to focus on the here and now. Daydreaming would get this group nowhere.

He received an eager nod from Willow and a few more reluctant ones from the rest of the gang. It would have to do, he decided. He nodded at them and they packed their things together before climbing into the small van they had purchased for this particular search and rescue mission. It was a good thing that Rupert had arranged for a different and more sensible vehicle for when they found the Slayer. Putting her in a confined space like this with her friends was going to be a suicide mission on their part, he knew that much.

The group was silent as they drove out of Sunnydale in the direction of Los Angeles. Spike tried to focus on the link he held towards Angelus, but it was difficult with the pain of losing Drusilla still so fresh. He had warned the others about it and they had accepted the fact that it may take them a while to track the Slayer down. For now he was faring on the belief that the Slayer was still with Angelus.

"Did you bring the things I asked you to?" he murmured to Rupert who was sitting beside him in the front seat.

He girmaced. "Yes, but I don't know why you'd ask me to bring those things."

"It's a contingency plan, Rupes. You know as well as I do that we should be prepared for the fact that the Slayer isn't the kind of girl you remember."

Rupert sighed heavily. "I know, I know. I just find it difficult to wrap my mind about the fact that she's now a demon without a soul."

"You and your damned soul hang ups. Do you lot ever think about the fact that there are thousands of people in this world that have a soul but are just as evil or maybe even more us than vampires and demons? Men and women that beat their children or sexually abuse them. Murdurers, rapists and who knows what other kind of twisted souls. You should really start to consider that a soul doesn't necessarily make a difference."

"Right, bleach boy," Xander piped up from the back seat. "You're one to talk. Before you got caught by the Council's doctor, you were actively trying to kill us all."

Spike snarled. "If I had wanted to kill you lot for real, you would have been dead by now. The first night I ran into the Slayer I was impressed by her and I wanted to know what it would feel like to fight her, but I have never been really thirsty for the kill. With the other two Slayers it was different. The first time I killed a Slayer I was so hell bent on proving Dursilla that I was better than her daddy so I wanted that young girl dead and gone. I wanted her blood because I heard it was an aphrodisiac and I was still stupid enough to think that Drusilla would choose me over Angelus because of it."

He drew in a deep breath before he continued. "The second time I killed a Slayer was per her request. She wanted to die, she wanted to end the constant battle that her life was, so her little boy could grow up out of harms way. I even stuck around to make sure the kid was taken care of before I moved on. You have your own opinions on me and I don't need you to change them. All I am saying is that I never truly was after your blood. Why else would I have left you and Red alive at the old factory, huh?"

Xander leaned back in his chair without further comment. Spike sensed the unease in the air as he had brought up the episode in the factory, but he decided to let it rest. Hashing it all out would only make things worse.

He remembered how desperate he had been when Drusilla had clung to Angelus as if her life depended on him as soon as Angelus returned. What a fool he had been to kidnap two of the Slayers friends and then ask the little witch to do a love spell for him. He had been so lost even then. It was no wonder the soldiers that worked with the Council had gotten him so easily. When he left Sunnydale that night, he had been really out of it.

He knew the Slayer must have been turned only a few nights after he left. He cringed internally at the undoubtedly brutal way Angelus had gone about it. If Angelus had been anything like the vampire he was prior to the gypsy's curse, he would have tortured the girl before he turned her. He just hoped that his grandsire had been at least somewhat held back by the love he had held for the girl.

A shift inside his chest alerted him that there was more trouble ahead. The tie to Darla and Angelus, which had been somewhat weakened since he had received his soul seemed to go slack even further. Despite that, Spike could still feel the fact that within the balance between those two, something was changing and it certainly wasn't for the better.

Spike pushed his foot down further. They needed to get to L.A. and fast or they might lose all hope of finding the Slayer.

Angelus leered at the broken form of his sire. He loved to look at her like this, all bloodied and broken. Her naked form trembling in fear. She should be afraid, he mused. If she no longer served her purpose as the body he could slate his lust on, she'd be dust as quickly as his childe had been. He licked her blood from his lips as he mulled over the gratifying pain he would feel as his sire was ripped away. He was instantly hard again.

Darla noticed the gleem in his eye and his hardened length and shuddered in disgust. She had loved their harshness in bed in the past and she relished in combining pain with pleasure, but she knew that for her there would no longer be pleasure, just the pain. Determined to see this through, if only to survive long enough to escape her deranged childe, she didn't fight him as he climbed on top of her, instead she closed her eyes and summoned the most erotic images she could so her body would at least partly welcome his intrusion.

For some reason the image of Spike came to mind and how loving and thoughtful he had always been with Drusilla. Maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong about him. Perhaps the way he loved was better than the fine line between pleasure and pain she and Angelus had always walked, but then again, she relished the thrill, the added rush a little pain gave during sex. Giving into her demon, her face shifted and she sunk her teeth into her childe's neck as she moved over and within her.

Angelus roared in pleasurable pain as his sire drew the first of his blood. _Yes! _His mind roared. _Yes! This is how it should be! Hurt her back, she wants it, she's begging for it! No more pansy love making, just brutal fucking until one or both of us is in so much pain that you can't continue! Just wait until I get my hands on the Slayer and her delicate little frame. She'll be screaming bloody murder before I let her go!_

The two vampires continued to move together, to hurt together and to come together until the first rays of sunlight rose over they horizon and they succumbed to the lure of the heavy sleep of the dead.

Buffy sat and stared at the carcass, feeling somewhat dumbfounded by what she had done and how her demon was now purring contentedly. Could it really be this easy to survive as a vampire? She felt sated and she was almost certain that she would be able to hold off the hunger for at least a day now, maybe even two.

She inhaled and readjusted her opinion on it being easy. The smell that came with it was horrendous and since she was stuck here with that damned carcass until the sun went down she'd have to do her best not to breathe. Something, she had discovered, made her feel claustrophobic.

Just one day, she reminded herself. She could deal with the stench for one day.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I discovered I had a little something of season three in one of the previous chapters, so I attempted to fix the little plothole in this one._

_So now you've read a little more about what happened the night of Buffy's change, it's not pretty and Angelus is a disgusting bastard, but it all serves a prupose, I promise. I hope you enjoyed it, despite the horrible thingsh happening._

_I wanted to thank everyone who reads the story and those who've reviewed the chapters so far as well as the fav's and followers. I'm so grateful for any attention the story may receive._

_Hugs,_

_A.N.N._


	5. Chapter four: First sight

_Disclaimer: I own none of these characters_

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><p>Chapter four<p>

Rupert struggled to keep his eyes open. He glanced at Xander, who had taken up the passenger seat. The boy was out cold and so were the other occupants of the van. He knew he had to take a break, but he feared stopping. They had found Angelus and Darla only a few hours ago, but there had been no sign of Buffy and he was anxious to keep moving.

He wanted to be as far away from the two older vampires before they got wise to their recent visit and decided to come after them. He knew that even with Spike's presence they would not be strong enough to hold of both vampires for an extended period of time and it was in their best interest to just keep moving.

Lost to his thoughts he didn't even notice that he had swerved into oncoming traffic until there was the sound of a horn blaring. He jerked in surprise, swerving the van back into the right lane and then overshooting the tarmac, landing the van into the uneven dirt on the side of the road. The rush of adrenaline sharpened his senses for long enough to manage to pull the car to a reasonably safe stop on the side of the road.

"Jezus," he breathed as he sat and stared at the darkening sky.

"You can say that again." Oz commented from the back.

Rupert glanced around at the young ones and was relieved to note that they were all unscathed. "Spike?" he called. "Are you okay back there?"

"Sure. I just spilled the blood I was drinking, but that's all," the vampire called back. He had been ensconced behind a set of thick curtains in the back of the van ever since the sun had risen and he was forced to remain there until it had gone down completely.

"Hey, Rupes?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you all get some shut eye and I'll keep watch. I'll be able to take over driving in about half an hour and waiting only half an hour shouldn't be such a big problem."

"I think you're right," Rupert sighed in defeat.

Xander climbed in the back with Willow and Oz and Rupert took the passenger seat, leaving the driver's side free for Spike to take as soon as he was able. The silence was only disturbed once by a car that passed them and Rupert soon find himself nodding off.

Spike crawled out of his hiding space as soon as he felt the sun go down. He stretched his stiff muscles and breathed in deeply. He was sure they were closing in on the Slayer, but that tiny connection he felt was very difficult to pin down. Deciding to just trust his gut, he got into the car and started driving.

After an hour or two he felt like he was playing the children's game where one kid would hide something and the other was supposed to find it with hints of hot and cold. The tiny pinpoint he felt from the Slayer grew stronger, but then he'd take a turn and it would grow a little weaker again, causing him to turn around and try another direction.

When he had done this several times and had gotten turned back to the same spot three times he was sick and tired of it. He roughly shook the Watcher to wake him. He knew he needed to go on foot and see if he could find the girl that way.

"W-what?" Rupert murmured as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I've driven us as far as we can go by car. I keep getting back to the same spot, so I think I need to take off on foot from here. I'll need to know where the best hiding places are in case I don't find her before sundown."

"Uhm, where are we?"

"Arizona desert somewhere."

"I don't have a map."

"No, but you and the little Wicca can probably come up with a little spell or two to help you figure this shit out. I need to get moving, I think Angelus and Darla are on the move."

"What about us, do we just sit here and wait?"

"No, you idiot. You find yourself a church which you protect with some spell or you buy yourselves a house so the vampires can't just wander in as they please."

"Right, of course. Excuse my lack of foresight."

"It's not a problem, I just need to get my arse into gear if I want to do some tracking before the sun rises."

"Of course. You have the cell I gave you?"

"Yup."

"Good, I will contact you as soon as I know where we'll be staying and if you need anything, just call."

Spike nodded and bolted from the car. His instincts told him to find the blonde quickly and he wasn't going to ignore that urge. He inhaled deeply and was surprised that he detected a small hint of the Slayer's scent in the air. It was different than he remembered, but it was there on the wind. He headed in the direction the wind was coming from, inhaling deeply with every step he took.

Even though her smell grew a little bit stronger every half hour or so, he knew that he was still ways off. He acknowledged as he kept walking that the Slayer's natural scent must have been enhanced by her change. Her blood was no longer distorting the scent and he had to admit that it was even more appealing than it had been before he had left Sunnydale.

He was starting to close in on her when the first pricks of the approaching dawn started on his neck. He immediately reached for his phone, since he hadn't heard from the humans, yet and it was about time he found a place to spend the day in.

"Hello?" Willow's groggy voice answered after several rings.

"Red, I need a place to stay and I need it now."

"Oh, shit! We got a place to stay and we were all so tired."

"No time for excuses, pet. Find me a place to stay."

"Sure, I'll call you back in a minute or two."

Spike kept moving forward while he awaited the wicca's call. The tingle on the back of his neck grew stronger and he was just about to call the girl back when his phone rang.

"There should be a deep enough cave about half a mile to the north west. You're going to have to run for it."

"Got it. Call you when I get there."

He hung up the phone before he heard her response and broke out into a full sprint. He spotted the cave while the first rays started to creep over the horizon. He was still in the shadows of the rocks around him, but he knew it would be a close call.

He dove for the mouth of the cave just as the sun's deadly rays reached the ground where he had been standing.

He crawled into the cave as far as he could and pressed himself against the back of the cavern. He just hoped the wicca was right about it being deep enough. It would be quite a nasty surprise to wake up burning somewhere during the day.

His eyes succumbed to the heavy draw of sleep almost as soon as he laid down. Right before he fell to sleep, he inhaled, comforting himself with the knowledge that he would most likely find the Slayer the following night, judging by the strength of her scent.

Buffy was lost to her memories for most of the day. The previous night she had disposed of the carcass that had been stinking up her cave and then she had set out on a mission to find a better place to stay.

When she finally had settled on a new cave she had tried to keep her eyes open, but with a full stomach from another surprising meal, she hadn't been able to stave off sleep.

_Angelus roughly grabbed her arm as soon as she awoke as a new vampire. He shoved her face into the neck of a quivering young girl. Buffy felt her demon fight to come to the forefront but something stronger kept the animal chained. She pulled her head away and struggled to get away from Angelus' hurtful grip on her._

_"Drink!" he ordered, shaking her and pushing her even closer to the whimpering girl._

_Buffy's stomach rolled and she gagged against the girl's flesh, causing Angelus to yank her back and to her feet._

_"What are you doing?" he hissed, his eyes nearly black in fury._

_"I c-can't" she whispered._

_"You pathetic little bitch. I see that I need to teach you some manners," he sneered before drawing his hand back and backhanding her with a strength that left her ears ringing. She felt the blood trickle down her cheek but even that didn't make her hunger gain the upped hand._

_Angelus threw her away from him in disgust and turned to the girl who had cowered away from them._

_"Now, kitten. It's time for you and I to have a little fun together."_

_The girl begged him to let her go, but the more she begged, the more joy Angelus seemed to derive from what he was doing. Buffy tried to look away from what was happening to that poor girl before her, but Darla came in and forced her to watch as Angelus ripped the girl's clothes away and violated her while he slowly drained the crying girl until she lay in a lifeless heap on the floor._

_Buffy could hardly breathe from the pain in her body. Angelus had been especially cruel to her today. Not only had he broken several of her bones, but he had finally forced her to feed off a human. The man had already died of the wounds that Angelus had inflicted, but she had still drank the man's blood and she felt disgusted with herself._

_Surprisingly, Drusilla had been the one to take care of her after Angelus had waltzed out of the room, cackling away. She had been gentle while she cleaned the many cuts on Buffy's body and she had attempted to comfort the younger vampire._

_"You need to drink, little one," Drusilla murmured. "Here, have mine."_

_Drusilla held out her wrist to Buffy and when Buffy didn't do anything to take from her, she ran a sharp nail across the skin to open her vein._

_"Take some," she urged, pushing her wrist under Buffy's nose._

_Buffy had eventually succumbed to her hunger pains and had greedily taken from Drusilla until the dark haired woman had pried her wrist away. In the back of her mind Buffy knew that she was still drinking the blood from the innocent, but it felt different to her when she took it like this._

_The sound of Angelus starming into the house shook her to the core._

_"Don't worry, kitten. Sissy will take care of daddy," Drusilla had murmured before flouncing out of the room, singing about the stars and pretty girls in white dresses._

_It hadn't taken her long at all to draw Angelus away from the house and out into the night. Even though she knew that innocents were losing their lives, she was relieved that she had been given a reprieve from the constant beatings._

A strange smell drifted into the cave on the early night wind. Buffy was awake and fully alert as soon as she realized it was the smell of a vampire. It wasn't Angelus, but that didn't mean that there weren't other dangerous vampires out there.

She very slowly crept towards the mouth of the cave and peered out into the darkness. For a moment she thought she had been mistaken, but then she spotted something to her left. She swivelled around and felt her eyes grow wide and her mouth drop.

There in the moonlight was a vampire she hadn't expected to see again, not even now that she had eternal life. From the way Angelus had spoken of him, he had been as good as banished from the continent.

"Spike," she whispered as she watched the bleached blond man sniff the air.

_He will find you_, Drusilla had told her. Had she meant Spike?

Almost as if he had heard her, he turned on his heel and his eyes locked on hers. Even across the distance between them.

Buffy fought the instinct to flee, because she knew she needed an ally and perhaps Angelus' wayward grandchilde was the ally she was looking for.

"Slayer," Spike whispered as he started towards her.

He approached slowly as if he were approaching a wounded animal and it made Buffy smile for the first time since she had learned that Angel had lost his soul.

"I'm not going to run," she told him quietly.

Spike smirked. "Good, wasn't feeling up to runnin' myself."

"What are you doing here? In the desert?"

"Could ask you the same thing, pet."

"Yeah, but I asked first."

"Right. There's a bit of history that precedes this whole thing, but what you should know is that I came here looking for you with your chums. The whole gang's a couple of miles south, waiting for me to take you to them."

"So they can stake me?"

"No, so they can take you home."

Buffy fell back against the cave wall in shock. "I can't go back, they should know that by now. I'd only hurt them and I don't want to hurt them."

"There are ways to be around them and not hurt them."

"I don't think I'm strong enough."

Spike nodded. "I made them bring several things that could serve as a contingency plan, but from the looks of you I say we won't need any of them."

Buffy shook her head. "I can't drink from animals in Sunnydale, I can't go back there. I need to find a place where there is enough wildlife to sustain me."

"Wildlife? What're you talking about Slayer?"

"I-I...Forget it."

"No, tell me."

"I accidentally drained a mountain lion last night and I actually felt satisfied afterwards. I figure that I can keep living off the wildlife and avoid killing humans."

"Or you could bag it."

"Bag it?"

"Like I've been doing. Drink blood from the butcher shop from a bag. Angel must've done it in a similar way before..."

"He never told me how he drank. I guess he didn't want me to realise just how dangerous he could be."

"Slayer can I ask you something?"

"If I can reserve the right not to answer."

Spike nodded his assent to that and then hesitantly came even closer. "Did he harm you much?"

"That depends on what you find much. I'm sure Drusilla has seen worse, especially after she helped me flee."

"He staked her," Spike whispered.

Buffy flinched and shrank back even further. "She died for saving me?"

"If she helped you, it's safe to say that that was the reason Angelus killed her."

"Oh, god," Buffy wailed before crawling outside and heaving into a bush just outside the entrance.

It was at that moment that Spike finally got his first real look at the Slayer and his stomach turned at the sight of her. Her cheeks were sunken in and her eyes seemed hollow, her entire frame trembled at the strain of keeping her upright while she threw up.

What on earth had they done to the Slayer, the once so beautiful Slayer?

If Angelus had been there at that moment, Spike would have ripped his dead heart out and shoved it down the ponce's throat before staking him through the heart with a piece of wood doused in holy water.

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><p><em>AN: I am sooo sorry it took so long to update. My computer broke down and I had to save up some cash to buy a new one and then I had to re-write this chapter. I'll try to update regularly from now on._


	6. Chapter five: Repressed demon

_Disclaimer: All these great characters don't belong to me, but to Joss Whedon. I just toy around with my own versions._

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><p>Chapter five<p>

It took some persuading, but Spike had eventually convinced the Slayer to come and see her mates. From the way she was quivering as they walked through the empty streets however, he knew she was far from convinced that she would be safe from a stake or otherwise lethal object. He himself was a bit nervous about it, but he refused to let her see it. She didn't need to know that.

He drew in a deep breath as they arrived at the address that he had gotten from Red and turned to the blonde beside him.

"No matter what happened to you, you are still the Slayer and you are their friend. They know that."

"No, they don't, but thanks for saying it."

"Listen, Slayer. Whatever happens in there, I'm sticking by you. I'll help you settle into this new life."

"What about Angelus and Darla?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, pet. For now you need help with finding yourself again."

She nodded, but she seemed distracted and Spike couldn't blame her. He took her hand, waiting a moment to see if she would pull away, but she didn't and he took his cue from that. He gently pulled her to the door and raised his hand to knock.

It turned out to be unnecessary, because the door flew open before his fist touched the wood. Rupert Giles stood just inside the door and gaped openly at his charge, the look in his eyes wavering between profound relief and a touch of fear.

"Buffy," he croaked, tears in his eyes.

"Invite us in Rupes, sun's gonna be up soon."

"Right, right. Buffy, Spike, please come in."

Spike stepped forward, tugging the Slayer with him. As the door closed behind them, he felt a tremor run through her as she instinctively cowered against him.

"It'll be alright, pet," he whispered. "You can do this."

She shook her head and clung to him more tightly. "Their heartbeats," she murmured low enough so that only he could head. "I need sustenance."

He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and held her to his side as he glanced at the Watcher. "Get the girl a bag of blood, Rupes. Make that two and get me one as well, I'm getting a bit peckish meself."

Rupert nodded and walked past them towards what Spike assumed was the kitchen. He then steered the shaking girl beside him towards the living room where here friends were watching them with undisguised shock and curiosity.

Red was the first to step forward. "Buffy? Are you okay? Of course you're not okay, what a stupid question, I meant..."

"It's alright, Will," the Slayer said quietly. "I'm trying to cope."

"Can I hug you?"

"Better not. I'm still a new at this..."

Willow nodded and retreated to where Oz was sitting.

The room was too quiet, but Spike had no idea how to break the silence without sounding like a blabbering idiot so he kept quiet and settled on the sofa that was still free. The Slayer only hesitated half a second before falling down beside him. Spike allowed a small smile to tug the corners of his mouth up. A part of him liked that she leaned on him for support and in that moment he didn't need to examine it any further than that.

Giles returned to the room then, three bags of blood in hand. He hesitantly held the bags out to Buffy who smiled a little as she accepted them before turning questioning eyes to Spike.

"Watch and learn, kitten," he said to her with a smirk before slipping into game face and biting into the bag.

Buffy's own demon responded to the sight of Spike's fangs and for the first time since she had been turned, her demon came forth without her being able to control it. Her fangs punctured the bag without effort and the blood that flowed into her mouth settled her rumbling stomach.

After she had drained both bags without so much as a pause between them her demon was purring in satisfaction and for some reason she felt the need to be closer to the superior vampire in the room. Her demon recognized that he would protect her if she could earn his respect.

Spike recognized the need in the Slayer's eyes and he knew she wouldn't want her friends to see her in this state. Maybe not in that moment, but she would certainly feel the embarrassment of her vulnerability later, when she came back to her senses.

"Right, we need some kip, kiddies. We'll be back down in a few hours," her told the other occupants of the room before he got up and growled at the Slayer, whose demon immediately responded by sidling up to him.

He quickly manoeuvred her up the stairs and into the first room he found. He sighed in relief that the windows were properly covered, because he could smell the sunshine outside. The Slayer moved into the room further and turned her pleading, golden eyes to his.

Spike shifted back into game face and gave a low growl. She immediately came towards him and crouched down before him. He put his hand on her upper arms and coaxed her onto her feet. He pulled her tight to his body and licked her neck, growling in a series of low, even sounds to calm her down.

She mewled and purred and clung to him in a desperation that Spike had never expected from her and his rage towards his Grandsire went up another notch. If that Poofter ever got within his reach, he would regret the day he had ever laid a finger on this girl.

Rupert paced slowly as he listened to the others talk about Buffy and the shock of seeing her demon emerge. Even though he had felt the same when he had seen in the first time, now weeks ago, he had been prepared for it tonight and the sight of her in that visage was far less daunting than it had been the first time around. The thing that had surprised him most was the fact that she had remained in her seat beside Spike despite the heartbeats that had surrounded her while her demon was in control. It gave him hope for his Slayer to return to the fold, despite her changed nature.

He stopped pacing as he heard the growling and mewling form upstairs. He knew something had been wrong with Buffy as soon as Spike whisked her out of the room. He may not have known the vampire that well, but he recognized the worry that had been in his eyes. Now he was hovering near the stairs, unsure of where his place was to be in that moment. With his Slayer or down here where it was safe?

The sudden silence from upstairs helped him somewhat especially when it was followed by the opening and closing of the door and the appearance of Spike at the top of the stairs.

The vampire beckoned him to come upstairs and Rupert, relieved that he could finally do something other than pace, was quick to ascend the steps. The blond took him into another room and closed the door behind him before facing him with a grim expression on his face.

"Rupert, she's a right mess, there's no other way about it. She's half starved and in desperate need of some guidance so that she learns to control her demon."

"Has she spoken to you? Told you about what happened?"

"No. She's been in her demon form the whole time. I only managed to calm her down enough for her to go to sleep, but she hasn't shifted back yet."

"Why is that?"

"My guess is that the Slayer has pushed her demon down to protect the humans she ran across while she was on the run and now that it's out, it doesn't want to go back. She's not in command of it at the moment."

"Will she be able to control it? Eventually?"

"Yeah, think so. She needs some time and sustenance to help her heal and I need to stay with her to help her mesh her two halves into one whole."

"What now?"

"Right now she's fighting her demon half, which creates a frisson of sorts. Her human half is hardly even in touch with her Slayer abilities because she uses them to suppress the demon and the demon half is just that, demon. Elemental, animalistic, basic demon essence. There is no contact between the two and that contact makes a vampire, a vampire. I bet the Slayer managed to keep humans safe, but not herself. Had she been taught properly how to be a vampire, she would have been able to escape Angelus' hold on her own."

"So she needs to unite both sides?"

"Sort of. If she ever wishes to act as a Slayer and a functioning person again."

"How long will you need?"

"I don't know Rupes. I figured we'd let her sleep today, get some solids and liquids in her when she wakes up and if she manages to lose the demon, we take her back to ole SunnyD to help her with it."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Try to give her space. I know you and her chums downstairs want to know what's happened and how she's doing and all, but I really think she can't deal with the smothering right now. She mentioned to me that the heartbeats were making her thirsty. It's going to be tough on her to be around you for quite some time."

"I understand. Do you think it is a good idea if we get you a separate car? I can take the kids back to Sunnydale and you and Buffy can drive up there when you're ready."

"Sounds like a plan to me, Rupes."

"I am putting all my faith in you Spike. I really hope you can help her through this."

"I'll do my bloody best."

Rupert nodded and headed back down to relay the plan to the children that awaited him. He knew they wouldn't be happy, but he saw no better option for the time being.

Buffy awoke in a strange bed in a strange room, feeling very strange. She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to remember what had happened to her, but all she really recalled was coming to the house with Spike and seeing her friends again. Only now she could hear their hearts thundering away and it had made he throat ache and her stomach rumble. She knew that if she focused on it too much she would lose control and she wanted to avoid that at all costs.

So she had told Spike and he had asked Giles for a couple of bags of blood. After that though, everything was fuzzy in her mind. Had she shown her demon face to her friends?

"Ah, you're up, pet," she heard Spike say from her left.

She swivelled around and hissed at him, startling herself in the process. Spike merely chuckled and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"No worries, luv. I'm only here to help."

"What happened? I don't remember much after I saw you bite the bag. I didn't hurt them, did I?"

"No, pidge. Your demon came out, but she didn't hurt anyone. She did keep you under for a while, though. Been nearly thirty six hours."

"My demon was out for thirty six hours?" she squeaked, horrified that her face had been in demon form for so long.

"Yes, luv. It helped you get stronger, though. Your demon's fully fed and you look like your old self again."

"That can't happen again, Spike. I need to know what happens when the demon is out. I can't not know," she babbled, feeling panic rising in her chest.

Spike gave a low purr and she immediately felt the tightness in her chest give way. She looked at him in wonder, knowing on some basic level that he was superior to her and at the same time that he would not use his power against her, like her sire had done.

"You'll help me?" she asked quietly. "Like Dru said?"

"Yeah, I'll help you. You've got a long way to go yet, but I'll help you figure it out."

Buffy nodded slowly and felt a weight fall off her shoulders. Spike, her once so formidable enemy, would help her. If she wasn't in such a dire need, she might have laughed at the irony of needing his help. She frowned as she thought back to that other enemy that had helped her. Poor Drusilla had only tried to to the right thing and she got dusted for it.

"I'm so sorry about Dru," she whispered to her blonde companion.

"Not you fault. That's all on Angelus."

Buffy lowered her eyes to the sheets. If she hadn't allowed Angel to bed her, then Angelus wouldn't have gotten the chance to take Dru away from Spike nor would he have been able to turn the Slayer he once claimed to love. In a way she had created herself and the misery that her turning had brought her.

"Buffy," Spike snapped, "Listen to me and listen to me good. You are not to blame for what your bastard of a sire did to you. Do you hear me? There was no way on earth that you could have known about the curse and the trapdoor the gypsy's built in. To be completely honest, the bastards were right barmy by building in that clause. How does it punish the demon to be set free after experiencing happiness?"

Buffy's eyes snapped up at that. She never would have thought about that. Why curse someone to be tormented by his soul and then at the same time make sure that happiness unleashes the beast within? It didn't make any sense.

"Know what, we need to talk to Rupert's bird and ask her about that. She's part of the gypsy family that cursed the old wanker."

"Miss Calendar?"

"Yeah, smelled it on her when I saw here a few days before I was caught..." he trailed off, waving a hand to dismiss his statement. "Never mind that, we need to return to SunnyD and sort this mess out."

"What about the bloodlust?" Buffy asked, feeling unsettled at the rates things were going.

"Sweets, as long as you stay well fed and by my side, there'll be no need to worry about it. We'll practise controlling your demon while we drive up to Cali."

"Where are we now?"

"Somewhere in Arizona, not too far from Phoenix I believe."

She nodded. "Let's go then."

Spike smirked. "Take a deep breath for me and tell me how long we need to wait."

Buffy frowned, but inhaled deeply. Something in the air tickled the back of her tongue and she could taste ashes. "The sun's still up, but not for long. An hour?" she said, unsure of where the knowledge came from.

"Right you are, kitten. Your demon know this kind of thing instinctively and you'll need to tap into that knowledge to keep you animated, yeah?"

She nodded, relieved to know where the new knowledge came from. "Will you explain what I am while we're driving?"

"I'll tell you all that I know, but kitten, you are one of a kind so there are bound to be a few things I don't know."

"I can live with that."

Spike smiled and climbed onto the bed beside her, resting against the headboard.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, luv?" Spike murmured while he steered around a slow poke on the highway.

"You have a soul, don't you?"

He jerked at the steering wheel because he was so surprised at her question. "How'd you figure that, pet?"

"You smell different."

"I what now?"

"You smell different. Angelus and Darla and Dru, they all had the same sort of scent and now that I think of it the same sort of Slayer tinglies."

"And I don't?"

"No. You're different. Your tinglies are like Angel's."

"You know that Angel and Angelus are the same person, don't you, pet?"

"I know. It hurts to think that I ever willingly touched him and let him touch me. I need that distinction for my own sanity."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"I do have a soul."

"Did you get cursed?"

"Nah, I made a stupid bargain, but that's a story for another time. For now we're back home," he said before deftly steering the car up on the curb and smashing the 'welcome to Sunnydale' sign.

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><p><em>AN: A new chapter that you'll hopefully enjoy. Thanks to everyone who reads the story and those who put it on their favorites or follow list._

_Drop me a review if you feel like it :)_


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